Today is my album release party at Cafe Orr
How do I feel?
(Wednesday at roughly 10pm)
Hello.
Indeed, tomorrow I am performing my upcoming album at Cafe Orr — well, today if you see this Thursday in the morning (don’t you dare send me “thought is was Friday” text). It’s 10:11 p.m, I’ve been at the cafe all day. I came here in the morning, it was roughly 11am. First thing I did was scoop myself a spot, drop the equipment and smoked my precious first cigarette of the day with a fresh redbull in front of Orr so that that I could absorb a lil sunlight before diving into the Casino of cafes. Living the dream. I got the habit of drinking redbull in the AM from the Swiss Military — coffees were nothing but a luxury I could only acquire when working kitchen — its not the best habit but whatever, I did 31 minutes in plank so screw you.
I’m feeling weird. It seems absurd that in 24 hours I will be in the midst of disturbing the calmness this space exudes at such hour. I would describe to you my surroundings at the moment but I hate descriptive writing. I’m also just not good at it. I’ll attach a photo, I promise. I had a couple of last minute hick-ups but everything seems to be in check for the show tomorrow. The only reason I’m actually still here is cus I’m doing a final sound check with Daniel (the owner, seen in the photo) after closing hours, to make sure the mic he has works with what I’m doing. If not, fuck it, tomorrow we going a cappella.
This event doesn’t exist within a vacuum. It holds a tremendous amount of importance since it represents such a clear milestone. Excluding the release of this album, my little baby, tomorrow is a bold affirmation of my artistic intentions. I’m here, and this is how I’m going to be doing things. This past year I’ve grown to understand that music is not my everything. In fact, it is nothing — it’s real but it’s not. It’s as much of a voice which speaks to my younger self and empowers me to reach new heights, as a construction, highly un-representative of who I am as a whole. This separation has provided me with the space to be able to do things such as take the stage and perform — without remorse. Music does not own me, neither do others perceptions of it, I am in control of my own narrative. Music can be a release, it can be empowering, it can be stressful and it can be magical, but it stays within a different sphere of my existence. I am Bruno first.
This may explain my lack of stress for tomorrow’s performance. I’m a bit nervous on whether or not people will participate as I wish them too, but things always turn out better than I expect them to. I can’t make everyone happy. This is something I am still working on. Juggling my passion to perform, and speak my truth with the pressure I put on myself to not only satisfy, but inspire, those around me, sometimes feels too much — heavy, and contradictory. It upsets me when someone questions my intentions. This is silly, as someone’s perceptions of your actions will always differ from your true intentions. If you adapt in order to satisfy others expectations then who are you doing all of this for?
Who am I doing this for?
A good question. Surely not one I’d be able to answer before my Dieu Du Ciel reaches its inevitable demise. I don’t think I’ll keep writing after it does.
oops.
See you tomorrow!!